If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
