i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
