We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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