yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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