I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
