Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Couch. On fire.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
