Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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