Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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