remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
