I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
