I want to walk on stilts...naked
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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