Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
