it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Are my feet made of real feet?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
