i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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