she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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