Your dad touched me again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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