I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
