I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
