You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
