she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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