Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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