I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
