You just made me feel so damn special
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
