Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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