What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
