oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
