Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
