Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
