and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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