just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
