My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
