Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
