When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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