well I can't set my house on fire every night
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!