Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
