Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
