No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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