he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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