he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
