I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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