It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
