i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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