Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
