cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
