you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
