she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
