i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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