This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.