Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.