Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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