I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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