so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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