3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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