when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize