Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
