You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
