Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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