hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
