Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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