jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
