eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
