clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
