Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
