I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
