I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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