I didn't shave. On purpose
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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