dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
