This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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