i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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