therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
