So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
